Am I being to fussy??
I get this question a lot- mainly women will say to me. ‘Are my standards too high?’ or ‘maybe I’m just being too picky?’ The answer is no they are not.
That’s the problem YOUR standards are not high enough. If you want someone who ticks all the boxes, you have to become the person that THEY want to be with. If you expect that your partner has a ‘well paid job’ and keeps their hair good and buys gifts and surprises you. YOU have to raise your own standards to that level too. This can be tough, but this is what people mean when they say, you have to love yourself before someone else can love you.
Yes YES YES you ARE totally loveable just as you are, absolutely and you can still find someone and grow with them. But- when you are doing, being and having all the things that you want from your partner then you will attract the right one. Because like attracts like.
You see when you are looking for or in fact are in a relationship it is absolutely all about you and how you feel about yourself in life. Of course there will be things that the other person does that are not acceptable or you feel you cannot tolerate, but this works both ways. None of us are perfect, thank goodness.
There have been times in my relationship where I have been bored with my life and when I have not been happy in my business because I wasn’t on the right track. Those times have been tough on my relationship because I often find myself turning to Daniel expecting him to have the answer to my woes - and of course he doesn’t!
That does not mean that you let things slide, like when he leaves his boxers on the floor, no amount of fulfilment my end will stop me from putting my foot down. He wont let me off not emptying the bins (although I do get a VERY good deal on those). I know I’m being playful and some of your feelings will feel much bigger. But I promise you when you are focusing on everything that the other person doesn’t or hasn’t given you, you’ll be miserable and begin to resent them. That’s no way to be. I think giving chances to people to prove themselves is a good thing but knowing the difference between when you should stay and when you should go can be tricky.
I actually have more than 2 but for the purposes of this - lets call one Anna and one Belle. Anna and Belle were each with guys and they each had some issues with their behaviour when they drank too much alcohol. Both Anna and Belle could see these guys had kind hearts and lots of potential. When it came to Anna and Belle raising their issues with them about this they both got very different responses. Anna’s guy, just told her that she needed to change how she felt about his behaviour. Belle’s guy, listened to Belle and looked at it from her point of view. He very quickly could see how his behaviour was upsetting for Belle and he hated that he had caused that. So he agreed that he would do his very best to not drink to get himself into an uncontrollable state.
So which guy is the one that’s worth sticking around for and growing with? Personally I would stick with Belle’s guy. I can tell you now that Belle and (lets call him John) John are happily married and have gone from strength to strength. Anna and get guy (shall remain nameless) are no longer together.
Anna wondered for a long time if her standards were too high and whether she should lower them. To get the right guy in your life, you have to first begin with yourself. And this is the case even when you are together in a happy relationship.
So you see if you think you are too fussy, or your standards are too high they might be RIGHT for where YOU are currently, but if you raise yourself up to your own standards first then you wont be being too fussy.
So if you want someone who works out, who has a lot of money, who is kind and considerate, loves animals, gets on with their mum and will happily do the shopping for a little old lady. Well then you have to already be doing all of those things. If you still feel as though you are stuck, then head on over to findthatmatch.com and sign up for the online course where I break down the steps that I took to find my husband!
TraceyAnne is a Relationship Life Coach qualified in Neuro-linguistic Programming. She is the founder of FindThatMatch.com, a website and ecourse devoted to helping others find love.