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Changing your ‘story’

So it might be a good idea for me to explain what ‘your story’ is before I explain why changing your story is something that instantly propels us forwards.

‘Your story’ is something that you tell yourself or others about you.

So for example you might be saying to yourself that things never work out for you, or you never have any luck. You could also be someone who says things like ‘all men are rubbish’ or ‘all women are only go for good looking people’.

Whatever it is, you have to ask yourself how true it actually is? I know that you quite likely have gathered A LOT of evidence to say that what you think is true. I am sure that in some circumstances it is. BUT if you have decided something like ‘all men are rubbish’ then you cannot possibly focus on men that aren’t actually rubbish. So you will either not bother putting yourself out there and spend your days being miserably single OR you will just constantly get with more rubbish guys further proving to yourself that ‘men are rubbish’. You end up creating your own self-fulling prophecy simply by the language and words you choose to use on a regular basis.

How do you then begin to change your story?

Well this is the fun bit, you have to listen to yourself.

You have to become very aware of the things that you say. So the first place to start is to write down all the things that you can easily recall about what you think about being in a relationship. Once you have them written down you can listen out for them.

When you are at the pub with friends and they are all saying lots of negative stuff about relationships, question it. Are they right? Is that true for everyone? Then have a think about what you wanted to say in response, did you want to agree? Maybe you were aware of yourself and you decided to not contribute, or perhaps you put in an opposing argument. It will take time to learn how to become aware of what you are saying to yourself and others, but I can assure you it will be well worth the effort.

Tricks to help you to change your story:

Set a time in the day to mentally go over previous conversations. As you go over them check to see if there are any old belief’s that come up, that you perhaps could change.

As you notice these thoughts, observe them and be curious. Ask yourself, do I need to believe this? How is this useful for me? You will get the most results by simply remembering to do this. It’s in the remembering to do this that change actually happens, so I recommend that you do what ever you can to remember.

Leave a note somewhere special, have an alert on your phone. Make it something that will spur you into action. Because when you take big action, action makes big changes.

About the Author TraceyAnne

TraceyAnne is a Relationship Life Coach qualified in Neuro-linguistic Programming. She is the founder of, a website and ecourse devoted to helping others find love.